Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Internship Blues . . . . . .

The modified version of the otherwise well known 'Food Chain'

(This latest blog of mine is dedicated to the numerous medical interns all over the country who at this moment in time are ghisaoing themseleves off doing mundane , useless , purposeless tasks ; or probably running some errand for someone higher up the hierarchy ; all in the name of learning something during this chaotic journey called internship.
So , incase you aren't or have'nt been an intern , chances are that you would'nt be able to appreciate the below expressed frustration.
And in a very clichédly and also very irritatingly schoolboyish way , let me begin with the dictionary meanings since doing monotonous manual labour during my internship has suffocated and killed all the creativity in me ; and I can't do any better than this.)





intern :
n. A physician who has recently graduated from medical school and is learning medical practice in a hospital under supervision, prior to beginning a residency program.
Usage :
'intern' as in , "Dr. John is training as an intern at the Irvine School of Medicine in California ."

also , Indian version

intern :
n. 1.poor innocent individual starting out with a whole set of impossible goals and naive ambitions that end up crushed under the path of some self-righteous bitch/bastard that is dissatisfied with his/her own life and for getting a ass as his/her superior and taking it out on cute young girls / sincere guys who might actually make something of their lives and live their dreams.

2. Free servants in the workplace.
Usage:
'intern' as in: "Abbe Intern , sun na , go to the third floor , get me the brown file ; then go to the radiology dept , give it to the resident doctor there ; collect the reports of the urine samples you sent in the morning from the seventh floor ; come back here and don't you dare leave this place until I tell you to do so.You got that ?!?"

Note : Article 4 of the
Universal Declaration of Human Rights, adopted in 1948 by the UN General Assembly, explicitly banned slavery.

Im currently at the fag end of my internship.And Im tired , irritated , frustrated and annoyed with the system.

Fact no. 1 :
The intern is on the lowest step in the food chain. Not only can he be eaten up by the one on the step above him , but by anyone and everyone above him in the food chain ; and even those remotely unconnected to the food chain ! (see the photo diagram attached above )


Fact no. 2 :

An Intern may may lose his/her name for the duration of his/her posting . He/She will be referred to simply as 'INTERN' , or usually ' INTERN !!!!' or 'AYE INTERN!!'




Fact no. 3:

An intern's job is only blood collections.

Corollary : Blood collections are exclusively an intern's job.


Let me explain :

In the morning , the intern must complete his mandatory round of pricking every patient and drawing blood. However , if , at any other time during the day , should a need for more blood collections arise , 1 collection or 25 of them , no houseman will ever do that.

Even if a syringe+needle and a spirit swab is given to him, the lousy oaf would rather run about for hours looking for the intern and ask him to do it , he will keep 'missed calling' the intern continuously untill the intern finally calls back or he will give it a miss alltogether and then jhap the intern the next day , rather than do the collection and finish it off in a couple of minutes.




Fact no. 4 :

In the absence of the real naatevaik , the intern becomes the patient's naatevaik .
eg: "Aye sun na , dekh , yeh patient ka relative nahi hai , usko tu neeche X-ray nikaal ke leke aaja , aur phir upar la , iska 2-3 collection baaki hai , toh serum ammonia tu jaake Healthcare mein de , aur blood culture e-lab mein de de , aur sun , vapas aate waqt , uska X-ray collect kar lena phir CCL se iska reports trace kar na hai, aur haan , mein bhool hi gaya , iska grouping - cross matching ka sample blood bank mein dena hai , woh bhi kar na . aur jyaada timepass mat kar , jaldi aaja"
(Aaah ! Now we know why the relative is bloody absconding ! )




Fact no. 5 :
Apparently ,there is no job too low or unfitting for an intern.
Eg:
Scenario i.
"Aye Intern , sun na , hum log ke liye chai leke aana , aur sun , khud ke liye bhi lena"

(WOW ! Thanks !! Im sooooooo happy , I needed that cup of tea 'SO' badly . . . yeah right )

Scenario ii.
"Aye sun na , dekh abhi 12 baj gaya hai , tu ward 40 mein jaake ruk , 2 o' clock ko mera ek relative aanewala hai , uska x-ray aur USG karvake aana "

(bus ?? itna hi ?? aur kuch nahi ? UNKO chai nahi mangta hai kya?? saala kaamchor !)

Scenario iii.
After 15 days in the same department , the registrar (houseman's boss - refer diagram) doesn't recognise you and asks you :
"Tu kaun hai ?"
Me - "Intern"
"Acha Ho gaya , chal sun , tereko 30 number ward malum hai?"
Me (trying to escape with a straight face) - "Nahi !"
"Bas Kya? Chal chod , Kisko bhi puchle , aur udhar jaake Sunita patient ka file leke aanaa"

(Harami sala , try telling a 50 year old , fat , post menopausal , irritated , rude , foul-mouthed , bitchy maushi to run this stupid errand and lets see if you come out alive from the verbal assault you'll recieve)


Scenario iv
"Intern , yeh Nirmala patient ka parso bheja hua urine culture ka report trace karke laa , aur sun , aaj subah jo bhi samples bheja tha , woh sub trace karke laa na "


(Aur kuch saheb ? Joota pochu ? jhadu ? pocha ? bathroom saaf karu ?)

Fact 6.
Sanity still exists .
Yes , It would be injustice to those housemen and registrars* , who have made life easier , if I didn't acknowledge their tolerant and friendly behaviour with us - interns.
Nonetheless , Internship has been an enriching experience during which I have made a lot of mistakes , learnt a lot from them , made great friends and had a ball !
.
* Dr Srikanth Kakad(Med) , Dr. Anup T (Med) Dr Trupti (Psy) , Dr Sachin(Surg) ,Dr Sundaram (Surg) , Dr Mihir (Orth), Dr Vikramaditya (surg) -RNCH - absolute gems and great clinicians .Thanks guys !

Disclaimer : (After spewing so much venom, I need to save my ass, don't I ?) 
Note : That the doctors and the paramedical staff at KEMH are doing a fantastic job with the resources available to them is a well known fact , and is sincerely appreciated by the author. With due respect to the senior doctors at KEMH , the picture alongside the article is only a satirical caricature of the hierarchial architecture that exists in our hospitals.No part of this picture or this article depicts any particular individual(s) , but , it is merely an exaggerated reflection of the system in place.The author's over indulgence is not meant to hurt any concerned party's sentiments.No offence should be taken since , none is intended.


© 2006 .No part of this article may be reproduced or quoted without the expressed permission of Akshay Gopinathan Nair .



51 comments:

Rima said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rima said...

very funny..am sure lotta people will relate to it..

Rima Pathak said...

dude you really rock man! what a wholesome hilarious article!! you should print it out and put it on wpm but only for the foul language it will be censored!!!
FULL TOO BAAP ITEM hai!! very well echoed emotion!
'jiska koi nahi hota uska intern hota hai...!'LOL

Neha said...

kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayaal aata hai, why don't things change in sync with the times? i seriously haven't met a single happy intern.i've spoken to folks interning at other hospitals also. it's the same sad story! ever wondered why? that's actually a stupid rhetoric!
really cool food chain analogy.
of course it's larger than life but what the hell, u're thankfully no karan johar:)

deepali jain said...

suppzzzz man!!!!u hv jottd dwn aptly the parable of intrns!!!

siddharth said...

I agree and have been a part of all those senarios.I hope and pray that if and when I get to the position higher in the food chain I will keep this article in mind.
Cos some where i think its not the people higher in the food chain who behave the way they do as a personal choice. Its more so to do with the fact that they have under gone a change for the worse cos of the situation that exsists in our very own flawed medical system

Manveen said...

really hilarious.. loved d food chain part of it :) am sure al d interns wherever they r posted wil relate 2 d article..

divya said...

i don't think 'naatevahik' is spelled tht way:) but well ilustrated and unfortunately a true scenario in most colleges

Shruti A said...

EXCELLLLLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anirudha said...

damn good
donno abt the wpm thing but m definitely gonna give a copy each to all my hos

Aparna Anand said...

The food chain!!!! All ur EVS, science 2, bio teachers etc...are gonna b overwhelmed with ur article! T'was really fab! ....really good yaar!....

Ravi said...

dude utterly and downright fucking hilaaaaaaarious.
cant say that iv suffered thru some of those experiences myself...but iv heard the "stories".
so far im a coupla days away from the end of month 10...and its not been a bad experience (at least for me).
yes...a hierarchy exists...as it must...we just have to accept, respect and of course, mock it. :D

sunita said...

too good akshay!!apt pictorial description!!its just with the system!you still have peads left!!n trust me its the worst posting of kem!!

Harini said...

ay intern....

ay sun na...
loved ur article. rolling on the floor.
keep going!

Sumedh said...

"Eh, sun na"... the three dreaded words of internship that would steal your freedom in a hurry when you're minding your own business, walking around campus!

True that no work is below the intern... in my gynaec posting I have escorted a mama while he was moving chairs from the gynaec dept. to theatre 5, I bought flowers from outside Hallmark for dignitaries during Gosumeet... Namrata was asked to go find out cost of bamboo plants (apparently because it's some Feng Shui crap and MNS believes that it brings good luck... moron!).

Oh, I was trying to get a couple of winks of sleep one emerg night, when at 4 am my houseman wakes me up... I thought it was a collection, but the order was "Arrey, sun na... PNC se file le kar aa, mujhko CT All karne ka hai"!! :@ :@ :@

Very good post... all my empathies are with you.

nams said...

AWESOME!! the article truly echoes the sentiments of every intern!
have done all tasks u've jotted down..also been charged of robbing the DIC tubes!!!
loved th food chain analogy...ROFTL

Sunil said...

The master storyteller again weaves an enthralling story which u can neither dismiss as fiction nor take up as total fact!!! Der r no boundaries to this man's creativeness exemplified by this well orchestrated piece. Altho i m not into this field but the emotions are so very well portrayed dat u cnt miss de frustration. Well done schumi .. well done!!!

ankurindia said...

quite a hard duty ..

bhubhu said...

hey you have totally brought out the realities of internship!!! aye intern,totally jhakaas yaar!!!

Chrysallis said...

hilarious! crazy! absolutely true!

loved ur illustration of the FOOD CHAIN!!

toooooo gooooood!!!

Keep blogging, dude!!!
...and no worries soon u will rise up in the cycle....and then u wud probably have some other intern blogging & complaining abt life!!!

LOL

Varsha said...

wow...looks like this was written sometime during Gyn posting! Keep up the good work!

Dr B G Patil said...

Very Interesting Article

Shaun said...

Interesting issues...especially about the postmenopausal maushi!

BTW, was the disclaimer at the end really required? Man, ur a passed out intern, ICC and all...If u ask me, a bit of name-and-shame would actually have been good...

All in all, hilarious! Regret not having u as a GSite for a whole 5 years, but whatever...

Pratik said...

Its almost like you penning down my life currently!!(thou m not sure if it exists any more!)

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