(This latest blog of mine is dedicated to the numerous medical interns all over the country who at this moment in time are ghisaoing themseleves off doing mundane , useless , purposeless tasks ; or probably running some errand for someone higher up the hierarchy ; all in the name of learning something during this chaotic journey called internship.
So , incase you aren't or have'nt been an intern , chances are that you would'nt be able to appreciate the below expressed frustration.
And in a very clichédly and also very irritatingly schoolboyish way , let me begin with the dictionary meanings since doing monotonous manual labour during my internship has suffocated and killed all the creativity in me ; and I can't do any better than this.)
So , incase you aren't or have'nt been an intern , chances are that you would'nt be able to appreciate the below expressed frustration.
And in a very clichédly and also very irritatingly schoolboyish way , let me begin with the dictionary meanings since doing monotonous manual labour during my internship has suffocated and killed all the creativity in me ; and I can't do any better than this.)
intern :
n. A physician who has recently graduated from medical school and is learning medical practice in a hospital under supervision, prior to beginning a residency program.
Usage :
'intern' as in , "Dr. John is training as an intern at the Irvine School of Medicine in California ."
also , Indian version
intern :
n. 1.poor innocent individual starting out with a whole set of impossible goals and naive ambitions that end up crushed under the path of some self-righteous bitch/bastard that is dissatisfied with his/her own life and for getting a ass as his/her superior and taking it out on cute young girls / sincere guys who might actually make something of their lives and live their dreams.
2. Free servants in the workplace.
Usage:
'intern' as in: "Abbe Intern , sun na , go to the third floor , get me the brown file ; then go to the radiology dept , give it to the resident doctor there ; collect the reports of the urine samples you sent in the morning from the seventh floor ; come back here and don't you dare leave this place until I tell you to do so.You got that ?!?"
Note : Article 4 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, adopted in 1948 by the UN General Assembly, explicitly banned slavery.
Im currently at the fag end of my internship.And Im tired , irritated , frustrated and annoyed with the system.
Fact no. 1 :
The intern is on the lowest step in the food chain. Not only can he be eaten up by the one on the step above him , but by anyone and everyone above him in the food chain ; and even those remotely unconnected to the food chain ! (see the photo diagram attached above )
n. A physician who has recently graduated from medical school and is learning medical practice in a hospital under supervision, prior to beginning a residency program.
Usage :
'intern' as in , "Dr. John is training as an intern at the Irvine School of Medicine in California ."
also , Indian version
intern :
n. 1.poor innocent individual starting out with a whole set of impossible goals and naive ambitions that end up crushed under the path of some self-righteous bitch/bastard that is dissatisfied with his/her own life and for getting a ass as his/her superior and taking it out on cute young girls / sincere guys who might actually make something of their lives and live their dreams.
2. Free servants in the workplace.
Usage:
'intern' as in: "Abbe Intern , sun na , go to the third floor , get me the brown file ; then go to the radiology dept , give it to the resident doctor there ; collect the reports of the urine samples you sent in the morning from the seventh floor ; come back here and don't you dare leave this place until I tell you to do so.You got that ?!?"
Note : Article 4 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, adopted in 1948 by the UN General Assembly, explicitly banned slavery.
Im currently at the fag end of my internship.And Im tired , irritated , frustrated and annoyed with the system.
Fact no. 1 :
The intern is on the lowest step in the food chain. Not only can he be eaten up by the one on the step above him , but by anyone and everyone above him in the food chain ; and even those remotely unconnected to the food chain ! (see the photo diagram attached above )
Fact no. 2 :
An Intern may may lose his/her name for the duration of his/her posting . He/She will be referred to simply as 'INTERN' , or usually ' INTERN !!!!' or 'AYE INTERN!!'
Fact no. 3:
An intern's job is only blood collections.
Corollary : Blood collections are exclusively an intern's job.
Let me explain :
In the morning , the intern must complete his mandatory round of pricking every patient and drawing blood. However , if , at any other time during the day , should a need for more blood collections arise , 1 collection or 25 of them , no houseman will ever do that.
Even if a syringe+needle and a spirit swab is given to him, the lousy oaf would rather run about for hours looking for the intern and ask him to do it , he will keep 'missed calling' the intern continuously untill the intern finally calls back or he will give it a miss alltogether and then jhap the intern the next day , rather than do the collection and finish it off in a couple of minutes.
Fact no. 4 :
In the absence of the real naatevaik , the intern becomes the patient's naatevaik .
eg: "Aye sun na , dekh , yeh patient ka relative nahi hai , usko tu neeche X-ray nikaal ke leke aaja , aur phir upar la , iska 2-3 collection baaki hai , toh serum ammonia tu jaake Healthcare mein de , aur blood culture e-lab mein de de , aur sun , vapas aate waqt , uska X-ray collect kar lena phir CCL se iska reports trace kar na hai, aur haan , mein bhool hi gaya , iska grouping - cross matching ka sample blood bank mein dena hai , woh bhi kar na . aur jyaada timepass mat kar , jaldi aaja"
(Aaah ! Now we know why the relative is bloody absconding ! )
Fact no. 5 :
Apparently ,there is no job too low or unfitting for an intern.
Eg:
Scenario i.
"Aye Intern , sun na , hum log ke liye chai leke aana , aur sun , khud ke liye bhi lena"
Apparently ,there is no job too low or unfitting for an intern.
Eg:
Scenario i.
"Aye Intern , sun na , hum log ke liye chai leke aana , aur sun , khud ke liye bhi lena"
(WOW ! Thanks !! Im sooooooo happy , I needed that cup of tea 'SO' badly . . . yeah right )
Scenario ii.
"Aye sun na , dekh abhi 12 baj gaya hai , tu ward 40 mein jaake ruk , 2 o' clock ko mera ek relative aanewala hai , uska x-ray aur USG karvake aana "
Scenario ii.
"Aye sun na , dekh abhi 12 baj gaya hai , tu ward 40 mein jaake ruk , 2 o' clock ko mera ek relative aanewala hai , uska x-ray aur USG karvake aana "
(bus ?? itna hi ?? aur kuch nahi ? UNKO chai nahi mangta hai kya?? saala kaamchor !)
Scenario iii.
After 15 days in the same department , the registrar (houseman's boss - refer diagram) doesn't recognise you and asks you :
"Tu kaun hai ?"
Me - "Intern"
"Acha Ho gaya , chal sun , tereko 30 number ward malum hai?"
Me (trying to escape with a straight face) - "Nahi !"
"Bas Kya? Chal chod , Kisko bhi puchle , aur udhar jaake Sunita patient ka file leke aanaa"
(Harami sala , try telling a 50 year old , fat , post menopausal , irritated , rude , foul-mouthed , bitchy maushi to run this stupid errand and lets see if you come out alive from the verbal assault you'll recieve)
Scenario iii.
After 15 days in the same department , the registrar (houseman's boss - refer diagram) doesn't recognise you and asks you :
"Tu kaun hai ?"
Me - "Intern"
"Acha Ho gaya , chal sun , tereko 30 number ward malum hai?"
Me (trying to escape with a straight face) - "Nahi !"
"Bas Kya? Chal chod , Kisko bhi puchle , aur udhar jaake Sunita patient ka file leke aanaa"
(Harami sala , try telling a 50 year old , fat , post menopausal , irritated , rude , foul-mouthed , bitchy maushi to run this stupid errand and lets see if you come out alive from the verbal assault you'll recieve)
Scenario iv
"Intern , yeh Nirmala patient ka parso bheja hua urine culture ka report trace karke laa , aur sun , aaj subah jo bhi samples bheja tha , woh sub trace karke laa na "
"Intern , yeh Nirmala patient ka parso bheja hua urine culture ka report trace karke laa , aur sun , aaj subah jo bhi samples bheja tha , woh sub trace karke laa na "
(Aur kuch saheb ? Joota pochu ? jhadu ? pocha ? bathroom saaf karu ?)
Fact 6.
Sanity still exists .
Yes , It would be injustice to those housemen and registrars* , who have made life easier , if I didn't acknowledge their tolerant and friendly behaviour with us - interns.
Nonetheless , Internship has been an enriching experience during which I have made a lot of mistakes , learnt a lot from them , made great friends and had a ball !
Fact 6.
Sanity still exists .
Yes , It would be injustice to those housemen and registrars* , who have made life easier , if I didn't acknowledge their tolerant and friendly behaviour with us - interns.
Nonetheless , Internship has been an enriching experience during which I have made a lot of mistakes , learnt a lot from them , made great friends and had a ball !
.
* Dr Srikanth Kakad(Med) , Dr. Anup T (Med) Dr Trupti (Psy) , Dr Sachin(Surg) ,Dr Sundaram (Surg) , Dr Mihir (Orth), Dr Vikramaditya (surg) -RNCH - absolute gems and great clinicians .Thanks guys !
Disclaimer : (After spewing so much venom, I need to save my ass, don't I ?)
Note : That the doctors and the paramedical staff at KEMH are doing a fantastic job with the resources available to them is a well known fact , and is sincerely appreciated by the author. With due respect to the senior doctors at KEMH , the picture alongside the article is only a satirical caricature of the hierarchial architecture that exists in our hospitals.No part of this picture or this article depicts any particular individual(s) , but , it is merely an exaggerated reflection of the system in place.The author's over indulgence is not meant to hurt any concerned party's sentiments.No offence should be taken since , none is intended.
© 2006 .No part of this article may be reproduced or quoted without the expressed permission of Akshay Gopinathan Nair .
